I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
