Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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