our cab driver is having phone sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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