Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
