is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
