We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
