i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
