his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
