What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
