Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
