Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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