I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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