you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
