When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
