It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
