Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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