So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
