btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
