he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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