you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
