One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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