She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
