just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
