I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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