Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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