maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
