Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
