You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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