dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
