I want to make a zoo with you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
