im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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