forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
