I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
