I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize