she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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