things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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