Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
