You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
