So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will pee on everything he values.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
