FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
