so explain again why im purple
no
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
