it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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