Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
