Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
