3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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