That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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