Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think people are normalizing furries
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
