the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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