Quick, to the slutcave!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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