All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
