I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
