ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
