He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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