Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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