they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
