How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
