I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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