You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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