all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
