Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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