My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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